'Untitled', by late Vancouver pop artist Derrick 'BOY' Humphries, May 2019
January 20–24款冬華 Fuki no hana saku - Butterburs bud
January 25–29水沢腹堅 Sawamizu kōri tsumeru - Ice thickens on streams
January 30–February 3鶏始乳 Niwatori hajimete toya ni tsuku - Hens start laying eggs
(Blue) Monday, January 16th
It's a hair past 3pm, and I've just been made aware (via the BBC) that today is 'Blue Monday' - ostensibly the most dire, sad and miserable day of the year. Less than a month into my 57th rotation on this lovely blue-green sphere and I had absolutely no idea - I always thought Blue Monday was a dance-y New Order hit single from the 80's. A bit of casual internet probing, and I learned...
"The Blue Monday concept surfaced in 2005 during a press release from British travel company, Sky Travel, during a PR stunt. Citing psychologist Dr. Cliff Arnall, a formula pointing to the third Monday in January described the day as being the gloomiest of the year. Apparently, this equation manages to calculate the most depressing day of the year precisely.
Arnall’s formula considers many factors, including the weather at this time of year, people’s probable level of debt, time after Christmas and new year’s resolutions, generally lower motivation levels and feeling a need to take action"
Hmmm. A 'PR' stunt. Go figure. Still, I suppose it does make sense. Post holiday season let down and malaise. Unpaid bills stacked up. Dark, cold and generally shit weather. I find every Monday dire and depressing, to be perfectly honest. Spring, summer, fall and winter...without exception.
Here in our rarified little corner of Losersville, we've been treated to a mild spell for the last few days, and a bit of a respite in the bitter on-going drama that's set in over 'the okasan situation'. Mina and I had discussed what we should do moving forward, and agreed that there needed to be a cooling off period. Initially, Mayumi seemed to be on board with this idea, but then quite suddenly went out on a limb and told Mina that we needn't bother taking the old lady at all anymore.
That would be great news if she actually meant it...which she didn't...err...doesn't. She was testing us again...trying to look pious by adopting a selfless 'Jesus Christ' pose, just to see what Mina's reaction would be.
Our idea was simply to downshift, and take okasan one weekend in January, and one in February...then assess the situation and decide on the best way to move forward from March. I suspect that one weekend a month will be a lot easier on everyone in the equation, and might be the simplest long term solution.
I honestly can't see going back to twice a month as a regular thing. We'd taken her two weekends a month for the last couple of years, and despite everyone's best intentions, things gradually started going sideways (and ultimately south) over the course of 2022, culminating in the unfortunate Christmas meltdown, and all the attendant butt hurt that went along with it. Finally, our 'mansion' is just too small to run a jury-rigged mini Day Service two weekends a month.
It's also become glaringly apparent that the old lady and I can better tolerate each other in shorter, more abbreviated doses.
I don't think anything specific had been agreed on when Mina dropped her mother back at Mayumi's late Christmas Sunday afternoon. They had a short verbal exchange, then the whole thing was kind of left hanging. Even though Mina had told Mayumi that we'd take the old lady on the third weekend of January, Mayumi seemed to be resistant to having any 'new terms' dictated by her 'younger sister'. Mina had the impression that she was going to insist on keeping okasan there every weekend, even though she obviously didn't want to. She was apparently going to martyr herself.
Our punishment would be watching everyone over there suffer. More childish and un-necessary games.
On Boxing Day (December 26th) Mina got a call from Surly Sumo Son. It all started out nice enough. He thanked her for the book shop gift certificates she'd given Little Bully Boy and Someone Else's Son for Christmas, then dropped the 'nicey-nicey' mask, and full on attacked her. She disappeared into the back bedroom as the call heated up, and in fairly short order came storming out, red faced, and cursing,
"Fucking DEBUYA!" (fat ass)
I haven't seen her that pissed off in awhile.
The gist of it was that he suddenly started finger pointing and blaming us for not being able to 'be patient' with the old lady for two weekends a month. According to him, our offer to take her once a month until March was 'unacceptable, and meaningless'. He then told her that, failing weekends, we should be prepared to take the old lady during the week to compensate.
When Mina told him that her work commitments made that impossible (not to mention the fact that okasan goes to Day Service Monday through Friday, from morning to evening), he demanded that Mina provide him with the details of her work schedule, so that he and Mayumi could dictate the terms of our old lady duty to us, 'as they see fit'.
Who on earth did this fat piece of shit think he was talking to?
Apparently Mayumi was standing by listening to whole exchange. She knows that Mina works Monday to Friday, and often puts in 10-12 hour days, not to mention the old lady's Day Service schedule...yet she said nothing, and just let Debuya lay into her.
Exasperated and on the defensive, Mina told him that if he intended to fight her, he'd better get his facts straight first, then hung up and blocked him on social media. She then informed Mayumi that we wouldn't be coming over on New Year's Day, and hung up.
She handled the entire exchange deftly. She could have taken some easy shots at the fat piece of shit, but refrained. Surly Sumo Son can't hold a job for more than a few months at a time. At forty, he's penniless, and lives at home rent free with his fat unemployed wife, her kid from her first marriage, and their own son. They leech off of Mayumi and pay for nothing. They don't do anything to help take care of the old lady, either.
For someone living in a stadium-sized glass house, he has some real nerve to be out throwing rocks at us.
Needless to say, Mina was shaken and upset. This was a completely un-necessary escalation. The Christmas situation with okasan was unfortunate, but ultimately manageable. This provocation took everything to a completely new level. Of course, my initial reaction was that I wanted to go over there and punch the fat fucker in the face. This is pretty standard when someone blatantly disrespects your wife. It's basically expected.
Of course, it wasn't going to happen. Were I to step up, he wouldn't waste any time getting the police involved, and the last thing Mina needs is having me locked up in jail until the second week of the new year, and then embroiled in a messy court case that could see me in deportation lock-up, and ultimately on my out of here.
Getting me out of the picture would be a dream come true for that lot. With me gone, Mina's schedule would be freed up, and there would be plenty of space over here for the old lady. I'm sure they were crushed that I didn't die of COVID.
Fucking assholes.
After stewing on it, I decided that I needed to write a short letter to Mayumi. Mina would screen and translate it, then forward it to via e-mail, both in its original English form, and in Japanese. I worded it very carefully, making sure to stick to 'the high road', and avoid saying anything too inflammatory.
I simply said that I felt the need to respond to her eldest son's completely unwarranted and unacceptable attack on my wife, which I felt basically amounted to an attack on me. I told her that her eldest son was 'a bully and coward' for launching into Mina like that, and what had been an unfortunate, but ultimately manageable situation with the old lady had now needlessly escalated into something far worse, and infinitely more difficult to resolve.
As such, I re-iterated our offer to take the old lady on January 21st, and said that for now, once a month would be what we were able to contribute. I also confirmed that - in light of her son's actions - we wouldn't be visiting them on New Year's Day, but would instead stay home over the shogatsu break to rest and focus on fully recovering from our bouts with COVID.
Mina translated it and sent copies along to her sister the next day.
Of course, Mayumi didn't waste any time flying into a rage, accusing Mina of, 'putting words in my mouth', and using me to 'attack her'...though I'd ensured that there was absolutely nothing of a derogative or offensive nature aimed at either her or okasan in the letter. My sole target was her son, Jabba the Hutt; even at that, the worst I said was that he was 'a coward and a bully'. It kind of felt good to finally get that out there. I'd actually held that opinion of him for years, after watching him bully and humiliate 'Someone Else's Son' on numerous occasions (buddhist ceremonies and memorials), but never felt the timing was appropriate to say anything.
If my aim had been to 'attack' Mayumi, she would have known it, in no uncertain terms.
Obviously hurt and frustrated (embarrassed?), her only recourse was to attempt to gaslight us in an attempt to divert attention from the real problem...the unacceptable behaviour of her fat, useless, bully of a son.
Everything went quiet for the next few days. Aside from a flat and business-like texted New Year's greeting on January 1st (in response to a text I'd encouraged Mina to send the night before...an attempt to offer up an 'olive branch' of sorts), that's where it stands.
We'll be finding out what the deal with this weekend is sometime before Wednesday, when Mayumi drops by the hospital to pick up the old lady's meds from Mina. She'd originally taken this Monday and Tuesday off to ferry okasan around to her various check ups and appointments, but toward the end of last week decided that in light of the out-of-control COVID situation (close to 500 people - mostly seniors and people with underlying conditions - carking it in Japan every day) it would be safer to simply fill out her prescriptions and do the rounds next month, when things have hopefully settled down a bit.
Our offer to take her this weekend will be tabled again. From there, Mayumi will either accede, and let Mina go pick her up on Saturday morning, or elect to play the martyr and tell us that our assistance isn't required. Mina seems to think that she'll cave to her stubborn and obstinate nature and do the latter. Climb up on her holy cross and hope that we feel guilty watching all of them suffer. If she can't control the situation, she won't negotiate or look for any type of compromise solution. It's always essentially Mayumi's way or the highway. She wants the whole fucking banana, or none of it.
She can knock herself out as far as I'm concerned. I have no sympathy. I'll gladly take every additional old lady free weekend we can get.
Thursday, January 19th
Moving into our last spate of relatively mild winter days (2C - 10C) before shit starts to get real next week. According to the old school 72 season calendar that I've borrowed as a loose framework for this series of dispatches, 'Daikan' ('greater cold') is due to set in from tomorrow.
Initially, things look like they'll be relatively unremarkable, and just a few degrees cooler from Saturday. The mother of all Siberian cold fronts is set to descend from early next week. On TV, they're pumping this up to be a 'once in a generation' cold blast. It looks like Tuesday will be the start of it here. Wednesday's high temperatures are likely to hit a balmy -1C. Of course there is also snow on the menu for both Tuesday and Wednesday. Beyond that is anyone's guess so far, but from what I see on The Weather Channel, the deep freeze won't persist much past Thursday. Fingers crossed, anyways.
None of this should be a really big deal for someone raised in Canada. While Vancouver is relatively warm compared to the rest of the country, it's still wet and relatively cold for most of the year. One of the things this part of Japan has going for it is a comparatively short winter season. The cold season here usually lasts around three months..,as opposed to eight or nine in Canada. Aside from a few cold snaps in mid-late autumn, the worst of it starts up around the third week of December, and lasts right up to the cusp of the equinox. Sure, the March winds in these precincts can be absolutely frigid, and temperatures during the post- equinox spring cherry blossom viewing season (Hanami) can still be quite brisk, but by the time the sakura start giving way to canopies of verdant green foliage (the second week of April), I'm usually running the canal in a t- shirt and shorts.
For now, all of that seems an eternity away, though. Getting back into my running routine post-COVID has been a slow, measured undertaking. This week, I managed two 50 minute runs using the park course across the road, as opposed to my hour long 10km canal trek. Dr. Cauliflower Ears quite specifically told me to ease back into it gradually after having taken three weeks off to recover from the virus.
An easy, local 10 minute jog at first, combined with no more than 30 minutes of walking followed by at least couple of days off. Then a little more the next week, and so on. The problem is that runners have a tendency to sort of push it. This is a big 'no-no', especially post-COVID. It's easy to forget that despite its high profile, there remain a lot of unknowns as far as things go with this still relatively new and constantly evolving virus.
While blanks are constantly being filled in with new data, new question's continue to emerge regarding the disease's long term impacts, not to mention any ancillary longer term health issues that may arise relative to having taken multiple doses of the hopefully safe MRNA vaccines that are being used to stave off its worst and most immediate impacts (namely hospitalization and death).
In my case, I need to be mindful that putting too much of a strain on my cardiovascular system too soon after 'recovering' could result in some potentially serious outcomes. Strokes and heart attacks have become a thing among active people as they've endeavoured to return to their previous levels of activity too quickly. Sadly, my age and underlying conditions also factor into all of this 'caution' being advised.
So...slow and easy does it.
From everything I've read, the basic rule of thumb is to notice how you're feeling, and to refrain from pushing it. For me, it's two days of lighter running/walking a week in January. If things continue to go well (and I don't have some massive cardiac episode), I'll look to add a third day in February...then a fourth in March.
Until then, I'll avoid the canal, and stick to the local park course - just in case I suddenly start having issues and need to get back here quickly. So far, so good though. Hopefully I'll be back on track before the sakura come out, though I imagine it'll be tough not to jump the gun and go out there a bit earlier, especially as I start feeling more like myself.
After three weeks of easing back into it, it's no surprise that Jingu Higashi Park (North and South) and its cast of local regulars are already starting to grind on me.
Tuesday evening Mina rolled in just after 7pm. As promised, Mayumi had stopped by the hospital to collect okasan's prescriptions after she finished up. As expected, she brushed off our offer to take the old lady this weekend, saying that 'her family' would be able to take care of everything 'from now on'. Her demeanour was cool and business-like. Passive aggressive. It all played out just like Mina said it would. I was a bit surprised. I thought she'd cave and give in to the temptation of a free weekend...but 'no'.
Let Mayumi's martyrdom commence, I guess.
She told Mina that the old lady didn't want to come to our place anymore anyways. While that sounds about right to me, Mina has her doubts that those are her mother's true sentiments. I'm sure that the old lady says different things to different people. My Gramma used to do the same thing. She'd play to whoever her sitting audience was, telling them what she thought they wanted to hear.
Inevitably, bits and pieces of her commentary would leak via 'a little bird' or someone's loose-lips, and it became apparent that she was saying quite different things to my Mum's elder brother and sister than she'd say to Mum.
Of course, there would be confrontations and hard feelings. When Gramma found herself in a corner, faced with her hypocrisy, she'd get defensive. Of course there's be finger pointing and claims that, '(she) never said that', and that her comments had been 'twisted around' or 'taken out of context'. I guess families are the same all over.
The old lady would always hit the ground complaining about everything and everyone at Mayumi's place as soon as Mina picked her up on Saturday mornings. It's likely that she did exactly the same thing as soon as she arrived back there on Sunday evenings.
Mayumi has even suggested as much.
For now, it looks like Fat Wife will have to start pitching in and earning the monthly stipend Mayumi's been paying her for the last two years to ostensibly help take care of okasan. For the last year and a bit, the old lady's been out of the house and at Day Service from early morning to evening Monday to Friday, and at our place every second weekend...so it's been money for nothing for her.
According to Mina, Fat Wife and Surly Sumo Son (recently re-dubbed 'Debu-hiro') typically take flight from Mayumi's place from morning to evening Saturdays and Sundays. They don't hang around to pitch in or do anything. They show up for feeding times, and to bathe, have their laundry done, sleep and leech money.
As Fat Wife and the old lady are always at odds, (they hate each other), it remains to be seen how long they'll be toughing it out before someone over there cracks up. Last year Fat Wife had a melt down and threatened to run away back to her loser family in Osaka because of okasan. There's no reason to believe things won't go any differently now.
They're welcome to knock themselves out. Of course, our offer to take her on once a month still stands. In the meantime, I'm grateful for all the respite we can get.
To be continued...
That's where we'll wrap it up for now. Stay tuned for the second installment of this final winter dispatch. As we're apparently in for an encounter with the most frigid and wide ranging Siberian cold front ever to venture across the sea of Japan (at least in as far as post war records are concerned), I figure there will be a few anecdotes and maybe even a picture or two to squeeze out of it. Who could pass up the chance to wrap up a 72 season overview with some coverage of perhaps the most savage freeze out to hit this sorry archipelago in living memory.
All of that fun will apparently get underway on Tuesday, and persist through to the end of the week...or at least that's what we're being told. The media are really pumping this for all it's worth, telling people to stock up on food, water and medication and prepare for some sort of neo ice-age experience. Any excuse to hide under our down comforter, eat corn chips and play Galaga on my old iPad, I figure. It's all pretty exciting.
Until then, you'd do well to remember that,
"No matter where you go, there you are".
There, and nowhere else.
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